1. Get Bigger Than Your Job 10-09
2. How to Get the Most from Your Next Vacation or Long Weekend 08-09
3. What is the Best and Highest Use of Your Time? 06-09
4. Measure and Reward, Reward and Measure 05-09
5. It's Not WHERE You Start, It's HOW You Finish 04-09
6. Are Your Shoes Too Small? 03-09
7. A Pilot's Plan and Preparation 02-09
8. The Dream 01-09
9. How to Be Welcome Anywhere! 12-08
10. Doris (96 Years) Young 11-07
11. Things Change 10-07
12. A Very Different Twin Towers Story 07-07
13. What's on Your Whiteboard? 06-07
14. Translucent Troubadour's Soul 05-07
15. Power or Influence? 03-07
16. What Was the Most Fun You Had in 2006? 01-07
17. Vitamin H: The Best Medicine 10-06
18. Where Have All The Real Hats Gone? 07-06
19. I Can Turn You Off 09-05
    
20. Just Give Them a Lot of Love and You'll Be Fine 07-05
21. Self-Reliance! 5-05
    
22. Wanna Buy Some Cookies? 04-05
    
23. How Many Names Memorized? 2 & 8 -05
24. Reinvent or Retire? 10-09
25. E-Mail Etiquette for Evan 03-09
    

What Was the Most Fun You Had in 2006?
by Mark Matteson 01-07

Several years ago, I was talking with a stranger while standing in line at Starbucks. Like me, he had two young boys.

Smiling and feeling a little smug, I told him about a simple ritual I shared with my sons, "Every night, after reading to my boys for 20 minutes, I ask them a simple question, 'What was the most fun you had today?'"

He responded, "What if you added, 'What are you looking forward to tomorrow?'"

Wow! I took his suggestion and it became our new family ritual, with profound effect. Over the years, I have incorporated both this story and the discipline into the seminars I teach, as well as the articles and books I write.

What was the most fun you had in 2006? What are you looking forward to in 2007? This time of year, everyone and her brother are creating lists. Here are mine for 2006.

My Favorite Books in No Particular Order:

Business

Biographies - Autobiographies

E-Books

Movies

• The Departed
  
• The Illusionist
  
• Little Miss Sunshine
  
• Stranger Than Fiction
  
• Pirates Of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
  
• What the BLEEP Do We Know?

Business Ideas

Personal Development Ideas

Quotes

Super Food Rx

Destinations

Campbell's Resort, Lake Chelan, Washington

I admit this is a partial and very subjective list, but hey, it's my list! Send me yours! May the best of 2006 be the worst of 2007 for you, your family, and your business. Enjoy the journey; the best is yet to come!

1. What was the most fun you had this year?

2. What are you looking forward to next year?

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THE DREAM
by Mark Matteson

Now that our nest is empty, my wife, Debbie, has taken up fly fishing. She gave me a detailed list of exactly what she wanted for Christmas. I trudged through the snow with the enthusiasm of Ebenezer Scrooge, arrived at my destination, and handed the list to the manager of "The Avid Angler". The name of the store gave me pause to think, "What a great name for a fly-fishing shop!" While I waited for the order to be filled, I wandered around one of my favorite independent bookstores, Third Place Books, in Ballinger, Washington. The title, The Dream, caught my eye. I read the first three chapters and was hooked. I read it in two sittings....

His name is Gurbaksh Chahal ("G" for short). G's story is an extraordinary one. His family came from India. Although they were educated and had important positions in India, upon arriving in the San Jose, California, his parents struggled to make ends meet. They put in 14-hour days for minimum wage. Despite challenges of every kind, his father remained an inspiration to G. He is the youngest of four children, and at age 16, he dropped out of high school to start an Internet business. The year was 1998. He was a young boy in a hurry with a lot of reasons to succeed. He started a "pay-per-click" advertising company. He was a small fish in a very big pond, but he had a simple motto: If you want something bad enough, don't wait for it. Teach yourself to be impatient.

His was a simple business model:

1. He contacted advertisers with products or services

2. He contacted Web owners (publishers) to carry the ads

3. He found consumers looking for the products and services, and convinced them to CLICK on the ads

4. He split the revenue with advertisers, Web owners, and his company

By age 17, he sold his business for $40 million. After two years, he was bored. He started another Internet business and sold it three years later for $300 million. Now age 25, he is being interviewed by all the major networks. He has arrived. It's the American Dream.

Here are G's business lessons summarized. It is some of the best advice you might receive in 2009, from a young man in a hurry:

* LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. Find something you love or fall in love with what you do!

* FORGET NOBLE MOTIVATIONS. Success comes from wanting to win. You gotta want it. Develop a killer instinct. Vince Lombardi was right: Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing!

* ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE. Without the right attitude, you'll never succeed. You have to believe in yourself to the point of madness. If there is any doubt, get out now!

• FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT. Work with the gifts you have. Be honest. What is the best and highest use of your time?

• TRUST YOUR GUT. Listen to the inner you. Pay attention to that still small voice.

• DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Before you start anything, know exactly what you are getting into. Ignorance IS dangerous. What you DON'T know can and will hurt you.

• BE FRUGAL. The only person you need to impress is yourself. It comes down to need versus luxury. A fancy office is NOT going to improve your performance.

• WHEN IT COMES TO STAFFING YOUR COMPANY, DON'T BE FRUGAL. Find the right people for the right jobs and pay them what they are worth.
  

• HIRE THE SMARTEST PEOPLE YOU CAN FIND. Lots of smart people working in unison can have the force and power of a Beethoven symphony.
  

• DON'T EXPECT PERFECTION FROM YOURSELF OR OTHERS. But never stop striving for it from yourself and others.

• LEARN TO LISTEN. Listen to the people who disagree with you, maybe more to them than to others. Then process what you have heard and have the courage of your convictions.

• OWN YOUR MISTAKES. At the end of the day, every decision you make-even if it was inspired by misguided advice-is YOUR decision. Nobody wins when you start looking for someone to blame. Let it go. Keep moving. Forward movement is everything.
  

• NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR MORALITY. We all need to live by a moral code.
  

• NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE COMPETITION. While you are playing, someone else is working and catching up. You are not going to be on top forever.
  

• WATCH YOUR BACK. "For every back, there is a knife."
  

• DON'T PROCRASTINATE. Procrastination is another word for wanting to fail.
  

• DON'T DO ANYTHING IN HALF-MEASURE. Mediocrity is for losers.
  

• BE NICE. "Be nice to people on the way up. You will meet them on the way back down."
  

• ALWAYS NEGOTIATE FROM A POSITION OF STRENGTH. If you need something from the other guy, you have already lost. People want what they can't have. BECOME the thing people want.
  

• EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. If you are ready for anything, you'll be unpleasantly surprised-but at least you'll get through it.
  

• REMEMBER-PERCEPTION IS REALITY. What they see is more important than what is; show them what they want to see and tell them what they want to hear.

• DON'T GET EMOTIONAL. Logic and emotion don't mix.
  

• BE FEARLESS. The road to success is paved with failures. If you are afraid to fail, you'll never succeed.
  

• PICK YOUR BATTLES. The fight never really ends. Don't allow meaningless skirmishes to sap your strength.
  

• GROW THICK SKIN. Grow VERY thick skin; you'll need it to drown out the noise. The silence will help you focus on your objective and then you will prevail.
  

• TAKE CHANCES. Without risk there is no reward. But make sure it's intelligent risk.
  

• WHEN YOU COMMIT, YOU REALLY HAVE TO COMMIT. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

G goes on to say, "Success is about making it happen. It's about dreaming."

Forget resolutions for 2009. What is your DREAM? Write it down and make it happen. Follow G's advice; maybe even read his book a couple of times. You will receive all the great advice and inspiration to make 2009 your greatest year ever...OR, hey, forget all the advice and go fly fishing....you AVID ANGLER, you!

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A Pilot's Plan and Preparation

by Mark Matteson 02-09

I recently had the pleasure of flying in a 2008 Cessna Stationair up to Roche Harbor, Washington in the beautiful San Juan Islands. To enjoy the Pacific North-WET from 2,500 feet makes living in this region worth the WET.

My friend, Eric Nelson, is a very competent pilot: focused, confident, and prepared with a plan. As we sat in the cockpit-along with his trusted sidekick, Henry, the giant schnauzer-Eric took out a little bound booklet. It was his checklist. If memory serves, there were 31 items on the list. As he went down the list, he said aloud, "Check." I watched in awe and wonder, like a child watching his father shave for the first time. In a low voice, I inquired, "So, do you have to use this list every time you take off?" Eric paused and replied with a smile, "Only if we want to live!"

It occurred to me as we flew up to 2,500 feet and observed life from a bird's-eye view, "Shouldn't everyone have a checklist before they take off each morning?" Carrying this thought a little further, I wondered how many do.
Professional pilots are required by the FAA to have their copilots double-check them before takeoff. Skilled and well-trained, they have a flight plan and they are prepared.

Pilots are trained for any emergency, as the world saw in the recent bit of heroism by the captain and flight crew of US Airways flight 1549 on the Hudson River. (Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, along with his flight crew, made a cameo appearance at yesterday's Superbowl!) They are NOT winging it! Pardon the obvious pun...

What is on YOUR checklist before you begin your day? What specific things do you check off before you takeoff? Most people don't have one! They wake up, grab some coffee and a donut, and drive off to work.

What if you employed a very specific set of behaviors and committed to them every day for, say, 30 days? Would you be more successful in your job? Would it help you add value to your organization in uncertain times? What if you did specific things that ensure that you had the best flight possible? What would be on your list?

Here is my daily list. I call it "Mark's Magic Morning" (M3 for short).

* 1. Prayer, spiritual text, and reflection (10-15 minutes)
* 2. Reviewing my goals aloud three times a day (10-15 minutes)
* 3. Planning 48 to 72 hours ahead (30 minutes)
* 4. Study & read books in alignment with my goals (30-60 minutes)
* 5. THINKING on paper in my journal (15-30 minutes)
* 6. Writing two to three pages a day (30-60 minutes)
* 7. Work out (swim or walk alternate days)
* 8. Work smart and in a focused way for six to ten hours
* 9. Have fun (movie, DVD, or basketball game)
* 10. Read a novel or biography

I admit that I don't do every item, in order, every day, but most days I do most of them. The point is that I have a checklist. These simple, but not easy, disciplines have made a huge difference in my life and business over time. The impact is cumulative. Furthermore, none of them are my own ideas; I borrowed most of them from other "pilots".

What if you borrowed two or three of these powerful disciplines and tried them as a test for 30 days? What have you got to lose or to gain?

You might just find that you enjoy smoother takeoffs, more effective flights, and smoother landings. You will have peace of mind, knowing that you are doing all you can to add value to your organization. Layoffs happen to people who DON'T have a checklist. Check.

Hey Eric, can we go back to Roche Harbor, AGAIN? Henry's coming with us, right? Check!

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Power or Influence?
by Mark Matteson 03-07

Everyone makes their living selling something. What do you sell? Products? Services? Ideas? We are all in the business of influencing others. How good are you with influence?

A number of years ago I came across a special edition of Time magazine that listed the 25 most influential people in the world. It was truly an enlightening piece of writing.

The author of the piece discussed the difference between power and influence:

Power is short-term. Influence is long-term. Power is the thud of an iron heel. Influence is the gentle sway of a hammock. Power is the FCC. Influence is Howard Stern or Oprah. Now I am not of fan of Howard, but you gotta admit he has tremendous influence over his particular demographic (blue-collar males aged 15 to 35). He threw a birthday party in Central Park and 500,000 people showed up. Now, the FCC can and has shut Howard down, but Howard has influence. Gandhi went for a walk to the beach and 600,000 people followed him. He stopped eating and brought England to its knees. THAT'S INFLUENCE!

Many years ago, in a musty used bookstore in Blaine, Washington, I stumbled across an old, out-of-print book. It contained some profound advice from one of the greatest consultants of the twentieth century who would change the world in the most profound way: T. E. Lawrence. He was posthumously known as "Lawrence of Arabia".

From 1915 to 1917, he single-handedly worked behind the scenes to help liberate the Arab nations from 400 years of Turkish tyranny. That simple act laid the groundwork for a power struggle steeped in oil production that would change the course of history. How did he do it?

He was a master of building relationships. Here is his advice, adapted for business today:

• Go easy at first. The first few meetings are about building relationships and trust. Build slowly.

• Learn all you can about your prospects. Do your homework. Listen, observe, and inquire indirectly. Speak their language.

• Go the whole way. Learn their culture, skills, knowledge, habits, and philosophy completely. If you can surpass them in skills or knowledge do so, but do not let them know except by example and preparation. Be humble at all times.

• Learn their objectives and reasons. Learn the inner reasons as to what drives them. There is what sounds good and then there is the truth. (What's in it for them?) Be able to read between the lines. This will enable you to foresee their attitude and possible course of action in nearly every case.

• Learn where the rivalries exist. Who does not get along with whom? Try not to mix them, if possible.

• Deal only with the leader in matters of business. Who is the key person? Your goal must be to develop the strongest kind of relationship with him or her.

• Win and keep the confidence of the leader. Make him or her look good at every opportunity, even at your own expense before others. Show respect for him or her publicly.

• Publicly affirm the leader as the leader.

• Be respectful to everyone in the organization. Use good judgment.

• Treat the leader with respect at all times. Show those in subordinate positions similar respect, but not as intimate as with the leader.

• Shy from too close a relationship with subordinates.

• Remain in touch as constantly and unobtrusively as possible.

• Your ideal position is present but not noticed.

• Be patient. Good things take time.

• Always stay calm and quiet.

• Be honest. Let others know who you are.

• Avoid free talk, especially early in the relationship. Remain professional.

• Dress the part. Make sure yours is always a little nicer, but not too much nicer, than your client's. (You can always loosen a tie or roll up your sleeves.)

• Cling tightly to your sense of humor. You will need it during tough times. Avoid taking yourself too seriously.

• Delay personal gratification as often as possible.

• Delegate and empower others to succeed often.

• Business consulting relationships are sandy ones. Wave the success of others in front of you like a banner. It's not about you! It's about them!

• How to succeed in business? Simply focus your efforts in assisting your clients in achieving their objectives!
  

• Your success will be directly proportionate to the amount of mental effort that you devote to it!

• Remember always -

   

  a. An unremitting study of your clients

  b. Read and know their characters

  c. Discover their tastes, strengths, and weaknesses

  d. Search out what goes on beneath the surface

  e. Immerse yourself in their world

  f. Hear all that passes

  g. Stay on guard

  h. Never say an unnecessary word
  (think twice, speak once)

  i. Keep everything to yourself

  j. Concentrate on the work at hand

Re-reading this list, it's clear I have some work to do! As I consider these timeless principles, additional questions emerge:

1. Who is in your sphere of influence?

2. How many people listen to you?

3. How have you positioned yourself in the marketplace?

4. How involved are you in the market you serve?

Do you want to learn more about one of history's truly great men of influence? Invest in the DVD Lawrence of Arabia with Peter O'Toole. It won an Oscar for best picture for a reason.

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Are Your Shoes Too Small?
by Mark Matteson 03-09

A number of years ago, my dad and I were playing a game of cribbage. He was stealing points from me, his way of "teaching" me the game, when he grimaced. I thought it was a pang of conscious about cheating at cards, but I was wrong.

He took his shoes off and began rubbing his feet.

"What's wrong, Dad?" I asked with genuine concern.

My dad was a guy who NEVER complained or went to the doctor.

"Oh, it's my feet, Son. They're killing me."

I leaned forward and asked him, "What did the doctor say?"

"Oh, he wants me to have an operation." With real fear in his voice he added, "I don't want to."

"Did you get a second opinion?" I pressed, already knowing the answer.

"Play cards," was his response.

The next day I called a physician client of mine. I asked him who he would recommend as the best foot doctor in Seattle. He gave me two names, both with practices at the University of Washington's medical center. It took some doing to persuade him to go, but Dad finally relented.

We played another game of cribbage two weeks later.

"What happened, Dad?" I asked him.

He replied, "He was a real nice young man. He asked me a few questions, you know, the usual."

A little embarrassed, he paused before continuing, "And then he asked me what size shoe I wore and I told him 'thirteen'. He then asked, 'How long have you worn a thirteen?' 'Since I was fourteen years old,' I said. Then he measured my foot with one of those shoe-size devices. 'Well, Bob, according to my calculations, you wear a fifteen triple-E. There will be no operation for you. I want you to go home and donate all your size-thirteen shoes to Goodwill. Go buy a pair of Birkenstock's and a pair of Rockport's, both size fifteen, triple-E. Will you do that, Bob?'"

I looked down at his feet. He wore a pair of open-toed Birkenstock's and looked like every other neo-hippie in Seattle.

"How do your feet feel?" I asked him.

"Great! I am glad I went to the doctor," he responded.

Two weeks later, I sat in the office of the facilities manager for one of the largest buildings in South Seattle. He was hesitant, balking at authorizing the agreement in front of him. It was for $75,000, a big commitment, and he was afraid of what the costs would be once we inspected the HVAC equipment. Would it be $500 or $50,000 in fix-up costs?

I told him the story about my dad's shoes. He listened intently.

I concluded with, "You and I have no idea what we will find once we get in there. It could be that your shoes are too small and you don't need an operation. There is only one way to find out," and slid the agreement across the desk.

The story about my father was the perfect metaphor. The one-time maintenance or building audit was like trying on the Birkenstocks. With that work, we would generate a comprehensive list of things to be done. The logic was irrefutable and he signed the agreement.

I learned some valuable lessons about stories, metaphors, shoes, and second opinions. I sure wish I could play some cribbage with my dad. I miss him.

Nothing happens until a sale is made.
—Red Motley, sales trainer

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Wanna Buy Some Cookies?
by Mark Matteson 04-05

It was a beautiful sunny day in Seattle. I was headed to a Starbucks attached to the local grocery store. March Madness and Girl Scout cookies were everywhere, but I was thinking about the day's activities ahead. Two young merchants, 11-year-old girls, and their moms where just setting up a TV tray to display their wares. I immediately looked away. "If I don't make eye contact," I thought, "they won't see me!"

As I stood in line for coffee, I questioned my attitude about buying cookies from Girl Scouts. "Why am I such a Scrooge about helping out these young entrepreneurs?" I asked myself. Answer? My wife always buys a box or two. Hey, I sure don't need the empty calories. I had a hundred excuses but not one good reason. Right then and there, I changed my attitude. I went back outside with my venti drip coffee in hand.

"So, why should I buy some cookies?" I asked with a mock sarcasm. I was having a little bit of fun and testing their sales acumen.

In the meekest, most quiet voice that I had heard in a year, the more assertive of the two girls replied, "'Cause they taste good."

"Why else?" I asked with a grin.

The other girl chimed in, "Because we are raising money for a trip."

Now in both responses, they were telling me about what I like to call "company-centered features". Features never inspired me to buy anything. Benefits that matter to me, on the other hand, capture my attention and inspire me to think about parting with my hard-earned cash.

I looked up the moms and asked, "If I share some ideas with you that will help you sell a lot more boxes of cookies, would you apply them today?" Their mothers leaned forward and nudged them as if to say "It's okay."

"Yes," the Girl Scouts replied with furrowed and skeptical brows.

Now I was in full-throttle mentor mode. "I want to tell you about the 'Six Magic Words', that is, how to turn a feature into a benefit." They were leaning forward to listen.

"What that means to you is..." Without taking a breath, I continued, "Let's take what you said to me already. 'They taste good.' What that means to me is, 'They'll taste good WITH MY COFFEE!' Now that's a benefit that matters to me."

Picking up on the principle, they applied it to the other feature they had shared with me: "Raising money for a trip." was transformed into "What that means to you is you'll feel good about helping a worthy cause." It was clear that their moms were grateful.

"One more thing," I said in a more serious tone. "From now on, instead of asking 'Would you like to buy some cookies (or not)?' you are going to ask, 'Would you like four boxes or two, which would you prefer?'"

They processed all I had to offer, paused for about four seconds, and piped up with, "Would you like to buy four boxes or two?"

Guess who walked away with two boxes of mint-flavored chocolate Girl Scout cookies?

I came back for a refill an hour later to find the two girls and their moms laughing and talking inside the Starbucks.

"How come you're not selling cookies?" I asked a little surprised.

"Oh, we sold them all, 46 boxes. Now we are going to help the other girls in our troop!"

The sunny day seemed just a little brighter. Now the only problem I had was what to do with 100 cookies I didn't need. This experience just confirmed what I have known for some time: Women (and girls) are smarter than men. I'm gonna need a lot more coffee.

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It's Not WHERE You Start, It's HOW You Finish
by Mark Matteson 04-09

It was the summer of '67, the Summer of Love. I was ten years old, so I missed it. I did, however, LOVE to swim. I was a fish. Many times I said to myself, "One day, I will have a pool of my own!" Hey, I was ten.

We were in England for three weeks, and my father and I were at the Brighton Pool. It was an amazing place. It was the size of a football field and had three different diving boards. One of the three was a thirty-five-foot platform. It might as well been thirty-five hundred feet to my ten-year-old eyes. If only I could jump off THAT! It would be an act of courage and honor. It would something I could brag about to my friends. I could gloat all summer.

It took me over an hour to muster the courage to do it. I started small and worked my way up. I slowly ascended the steps like a condemned man climbing the gallows. Each step was deliberate and forced. I stood on the edge of that platform for what seemed like a week. No one was watching; my father was reading the paper on the chaise lounge. I took the bold leap of faith!

It was exhilarating. It was magical. It was the highlight of the summer. I ran over to tell my dad. He stared at me with indifference. I had interrupted his reading, but I didn't care. This was too important. "I'm gonna do it again, Dad, watch!" He nodded with the enthusiasm of a medieval Benedictine monk.

This time I raced up the steps. I glanced over at my dad. He had put his paper down and was watching. I jumped and let out a howl. The only other person at the pool that morning, the pool guy, glanced up and then went back to checking the filter. I looked over at Dad. He had gone back to reading his paper. Then I hit the water.
Some things you never forget, even when you're ten years old. That moment in time stayed with me.

Self-worth is a gift we give to the young people in our care. Self-esteem is transferred from parent to child. When you are a kid, what your parents say to you matters. What they reward shapes your character. What they punish forms your values. What they don't do can mold and shape your self-concept. The implied message that day was, "The newspaper is more important than you. You are an interruption."

In 1993, Evan, our youngest son, was not quite three years old. He was fearless, he was passionate, and he craved my attention and praise. Our home, at 9100 Olympic View Drive, in Edmonds, Washington, had a kidney-shaped pool. It was maybe eight or nine feet at the deep end. The diving board had all the spring of steel girder. Wearing his water wings, Evan stood on the diving board and called out, "Dad, watch!" He had never gone "off the board" like his older brother had done many times before.

I glanced up to see an expression on his face that I had seen many times. He wondered if I thought he had the courage to jump. Our eyes locked. "Go for it, Ev," I said, "I'm watching."

He jumped. He sprang up out of the water like a whale breeching. My eyes were fixed on his. He waited to hear what I was going to say. "Great job, son! Do it again!" He beamed. I cannot recall ever seeing him happier. He was proud and confident.

I spent the next hour watching him jump two hundred more times. It was a great day for father and son and a defining moment in each of our lives. It was the beginning of one success after another for Evan; it was an old wound finally healed for me. It's not WHERE you start, it's HOW you finish! Has life given you lemons? Make lemonade and sell it on the corner!

I have told my boys from the time they were old enough to understand, "Your future is so bright, it burns my eyes to look at it." Adding with sincerity, I predicted, "You will go so much farther than I ever did in school, sports, and business." Guess what? They have. They will continue to. Perhaps most importantly, they will pass that on to their children.

Did you know that ALL your employees, especially salespeople, are saying "Hey, Dad, watch!" As I wrote in my book, Freedom from Fear, "Everyone from eight to eighty-eight needs three things: appreciation, respect, and understanding."

What do you celebrate in your company? What do I get a high-five for? Does your acknowledgment program need revamping? Do you even have a formalized recognition program? Do you have an internal newsletter acknowledging birthdays, extra-mile achievements, and acts of courage and risk on the customer's behalf?

I can see it now: It is the summer of 2017 and I am at the pool, reading the New York Times on my Kindle, version 9.0. I hear a voice holler out, "Grandpa, watch! I'm going off the high dive!" Evan and I look up. We lock eyes with the intrepid young diver. My son and I say in unison, "Go for it!"

Enjoy the journey. The best is yet to come.

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Self-Reliance!
by Mark Matteson 5-05

When my oldest son, Colin, was in seventh grade, I coached his AAU basketball team, "The Swarm". We had cool uniforms, bags and warm-ups in the gold and black colors of Georgia Tech, with a big wasp ready to sting. All that stuff cost money. We also had two expensive out-of-state tournaments to pay for.

We began fundraising like crazy. The two most profitable forms of raising capital with the kids were car washes and door-to-door sales of Christmas items. Stadium Flowers, a florist shop with a large presence in our community, generously provided wreaths, door swags, and poinsettias to the team for resale. It was the day after Thanksgiving, and demand for them was high during that last week in November and first week in December. I scoped out a high-end neighborhood where the homes are a half-million dollars and up.

It was a rainy Saturday. I had the kids dress up in their basketball uniforms, wrote a sales script with brochures, and gave them a mini-sales seminar. I ended it with "Just read the script aloud, guys; show them the pictures and you'll do fine." Off they went.

There is an old sales adage that 80 percent of all sales in any organization come from 20 percent of the sales force. Well, that was true in this little fable. My two top sales guys were Colin and Reed, known affectionately as "Reedo Burrito" on our team. He had a smile that could charm a bird out of a tree.

Reedo succeeded because he had confidence, charm, and enthusiasm. Colin succeeded just because he read the script word-for-word, smiled, and asked, "Cash or check?" every time.

Reedo set that rainy Saturday on fire. When he walked up to me near the end of the day wearing a frown, I was naturally curious.

"What's wrong, Reedo?" I asked.

He explained his predicament, "I walked up to this mansion with white pillars and a long driveway. The guy was real friendly, but then he asked me asked me a question. 'WHY are you doing this kid?' I said, 'For uniforms.' Then he said, 'NO, kid, WHY are you doing this?' I said, 'For uniforms!' even louder. I thought he was deaf, Coach. He asked me one more time, 'NO kid, WHY are you doing this?' I yelled, 'For uniforms!!!' He slammed the door, Coach! What do I do?"

Holding back the laughter, I bit my tongue until it nearly bled, and replied, "Reedo, I think I know what he wants. I want you go back, knock on the door. When he asks you that question again-and he will-I want you to say, 'My coach says we are learning self-reliance.'"

Off went that 12-year-old basketball player with his million-dollar smile and some sales education. He came back five minutes later with a giant ear-to-ear grin.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I did what you said, and sure enough, he asked the same question," Reedo replied.

"What did YOU say?" I asked him.

"My coach told me we are learning Self-RELUCTANCE! He said, 'Close enough, kid' and bought two of everything!"

To succeed in sales, all that new salespeople need are:

1. a simple script to rehearse, memorize, and then abandon

2. a large measure of enthusiasm for their product or service

3. some basic sales education, especially in the areas of qualifying and knowing how many calls to make each day to which market

4. ongoing support, coaching, and re-training

Whether you are an experienced sales professional or a 12-year-old basketball player, these are the minimum price of admission. Is it time again for sales education in your organization?

Self-reliance or self-reluctance; you decide!

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Translucent Troubadour's Soul
by Mark Matteson 05-07

I was enjoying the legroom of the first-class section on a recent flight from Cincinnati to Seattle. After an extended trip that included Mesa, Arizona, Newton, Massachusetts, and Indianapolis, I was tired but grateful for opportunity to serve my clients. I am the luckiest guy in Washington State.

An hour before the plane landed, the fellow sitting next to me finished reading the fortieth-anniversary edition of Rolling Stone magazine.

I smiled and commented, "Rolling Stone, I used to subscribe to that magazine. It's been a long time."

He smiled and said, "I'm done with it; here you go."

"What do you do?" I asked him.

"I'm a musician," he answered.

Pausing for a moment to reflect on his "elevator speech" I continued, "Have you recorded any CDs?"

"Eleven," he replied with a quiet confidence.

"What's your name?" I asked, both curious and interested.

"Ellis Paul."

"Oh, man, I am a huge fan! I just made a note to re-purchase Translucent Soul this morning. I love your music and style!" I responded.

He smiled the Cheshire-Cat grin that comes with appreciation of a sincere compliment. He was doing shows in Seattle, Portland, and Eugene, Oregon. I commented that, as a public speaker, I did 65 presentations last year. He smiled and said that in the previous year, he did 150!

As we discussed the business side of our respective careers, he commented, "We are both in the same business. The models are very similar." How true.

We talked like old friends who had not seen one another for ten years, twin sons of different mothers. The conversation lasted until our bags arrived at the carousel.

Deb and I attended his show that night in West Seattle. He is actually better live than in the studio and his studio recordings are amazing. I took some pictures with my cell phone as I analyzed the reasons for his success as a performer. He had the audience in the palm of his hand after the fourth song. I observed nine reasons for his success:

• Sincerity - It was tangible. He is so authentic.

• Self-Effacing Humor - Despite his fame and extraordinary talent as a musician, singer and songwriter, his humility was like a cool breeze in a stuffy room.

• Technical Mastery - His ability to sing, and play the guitar and piano, was amazing. It's clear he has invested time practicing to master his art.

• Storyteller - He holds the audience captive with great stories. The last time I observed a singer having that effect on the audience was Bruce Springsteen in 1980.

• Smart - His lyrics are thoughtful and intelligent. The stories behind each song are steeped in research and experience. As a writer, I am a "lyrics guy" and his are profound. Translucent Soul is a wonderful example.

• The Look and Confidence - On one album cover, he looks a lot like Kevin Costner. When I mentioned it to him, he replied, "Maybe HE looks like ME!"

• Interactive - He came off the stage, down to the front to ask questions, and solicit feedback and requests. He had the audience singing the refrain of several songs. He was clearly enjoying himself.

• Entrepreneur - He has 20,000 subscribers to his e-zine. He is a "wired road warrior" with a handheld GPS, a Blackberry, and a laptop.

• City-Specific Tailoring - He made references to Seattle landmarks, weaving them into his stories. (Robin Williams does this as well as any performer I have seen or heard.) It only further endeared him to his audience.

If you get a chance, check out his Web site or invest in one of his CDs (or all eleven)! You will be glad you did. His music is timeless and thoughtful. I think I'll read that copy of Rolling Stone and put on Translucent Soul by my favorite troubadour. It's going to be good day. Thanks, Ellis.

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Measure and Reward, Reward and Measure
by Mark Matteson 05-09

As many of you know, I read lots of different e-newsletters, print magazines, and newspapers every week. I scan the table of contents searching for ideas, trends, fascinating people, or processes. I find many a great idea while waiting in lobbies of doctors' offices, airports, and K. C. Martin, my hometown mechanic, where I have been a loyal customer for 20 years.

Recently, I read in an old Car and Driver magazine: There is no real comparison between a 2005 Corvette and a Porsche 911. The Corvette is faster from 0-60 mph, faster in the quarter mile, and faster to stop. (Now there is a new oxymoron to add to the list.) Moreover, it costs about 30 percent less than the Porsche!

So why did 30,000 successful, rational professionals-men and women who clearly do their homework before making a major purchase-buy a Porsche instead of a Corvette? It turns out that a hard-to-measure attribute called Path Accuracy is the vital component. You see, a Porsche goes where you put it! The car gives the owner a magical feeling of control. Oh, and there is the cache of the name Porsche. We are talking about a feeling that tips the scale of influence.

In metric-minded corporations, where the bottom line drives much of the decision making, it is tempting to only invest in what we can measure. QUANT-itative measures rule: churn (how many customers we lose out of 100 and two percent or less is considered great), close ratios, employee turnover; well you get the idea.

Is it any less important to measure QUAL-itative elements? Here is what is not measured, or even discussed, in most corporations:

I can hear some of the groans. I can even hear some of the thoughts: Soft squishy crap. Come on Mark, I am running a business, not a day care!

I understand. However, do you know the number one reason your top employee leaves? Not for more money! It's an absence of appreciation and respect! Have you measured the cost of turnover in your organization over the last five years? Do some quick math. If 50 people have left your business unit every year for the past five years, that is 250 people. IF it costs $20,000 dollars in hard and soft costs to train each person, and that is multiplied by 250, you have spent $5,000,000. You don't agree with my numbers, fine; cut the training cost in half. It's still over two million bucks! What if you could cut that number in half? Where does that money go? It goes to the lower right hand corner.

The crazy thing is that each of us knows exactly what it feels like walking into a retail store, a corporate office, or any business where there is an absence of joy, a lack of positive attitudes, and disrespect for people is present. You can feel the fear, the doubt, and the tension. If you stay or return, you eventually hear the culture in the language: We can't do that. Our policy is.... or We close in five minutes.... or I have to talk to my manager. We can't get out fast enough.

As I write this, I am in a Starbucks where one manager, Annie, has transformed the culture by hiring women who are just like her: fun, caring, considerate, possess extra-mile attitudes, are great listeners, as well as being generally nice people. It took her six months to transform the slowest store in the district to one with long lines of happy customers. They all leave with a smile on their face.

Annie and her posse at Starbucks
#350 on 44th Ave in Lynnwood, WA

So what are you measuring? What are you rewarding? If you want to transform your organization, hire well and treat your internal customers well first. A river never rises any higher than its source.

Hire, train, measure, celebrate and reward, and then repeat. Measure and reward the soft stuff. Let's be a little more human in our business and in our homes. Dan Holohan always ends his writing with Hug Your Kids. Good advice. My son, Colin, graduates from college next week with a political science degree and is going off to Germany to play professional basketball. I wonder if the used BMW with 100,000 miles has good path accuracy.

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What's on Your Whiteboard?
by Mark Matteson 0607

When Jeff Bezos was a student at Princeton University, he literally slept in the math and computer lab. As a result, he enjoyed a 4.3 grade point average. He accepted a job with one of the large brokerage houses on Wall Street upon graduation and did pretty well.

Being a math whiz, and an insatiable student of business trends, the idea of an online book store consumed all of his spare time. On a trip to Seattle, the idea took hold and he made the bold leap.

He drove to the Northwest from New York in his beat-up Honda Accord and set up shop in the funkiest part of downtown Seattle, Pioneer Square. There, amid the needle-exchange junkies, skid row bums, and homeless shelters, he rented office space.

He went to Home Depot and bought a door and two saw horses, his first desk. In 1996, Microsoft was hiring the best and brightest from all the major universities and securing their loyalty with golden handcuffs, stock options. NO ONE was leaving Microsoft. One of their brightest and most respected employees was a gracious, 31-year-old marketing executive named David Risher. He paid a visit to Bezos' office one day where he saw a giant whiteboard. It had 200 action items listed in no particular order.

After pitching his vision to Risher, who had been a classmates at Princeton, Bezos threw down the gauntlet. Motioning toward the giant whiteboard, he said "Prioritize the list for me." By the time the list was prioritized, Risher realized that Bezos and he had a lot in common. Before he left that day, he was sold on the community of people and Bezo's vision. He became employee number sixteen. Another fortune awaited him....
Jeff Bezos was rigid about the quality of the people he brought aboard the Amazon Bus. In the early days, as their business and reputation expanded, he interviewed 50 to 60 people before he would say "yes" to a new hiree. It was painful: It meant 16-hour days for those who were employed. He wouldn't bend in his requirements:

1. Smart people

2. Dedicated people

3. Passionate people-or no deal

Years later, Bezos was criticized for pouring profits back into the company in the form of technology and innovative processes and fulfillment. Most people thought he was mad, but he stuck to his guns.

Few people enjoy a 4.3 grade point average in college. Most don't understand which values and principles will ensure long-term success, but Jeff Bezos does. He recently sold his original "door desk" on eBay for $30,000. The original shareholders of Amazon are enjoying similar returns on their investment.

What are you willing to stand up for? Fight for? What is on YOUR whiteboard?

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What is the Best and Highest Use of Your Time?
by Mark Matteson 06-09

If you try to teach a pig to sing, two things happen:

1. You annoy the pig.

2. You waste your time-and your money!

Each of us gets paid for our contribution to the marketplace, whether we have our own company or we work for someone else. It is the quality and quantity of our contribution that determines our value to the organization and the corresponding income we earn. Want to earn more money? Find a way to improve your service to others.

Years ago I came across a formula-more like a natural law-that has stuck with me. You and I are paid in direct proportion to:

1. the demand for what we do,

2. our ability to do that job,

3. the difficulty of replacing us.

The most powerful asset you have is your earning ability. By applying your knowledge and skills to your work, you bring value to the customer, value to your employer, and value to yourself. You could lose everything (and I have a couple of times): your house, your car, your job, and your bank account. But as long as you still have your earning ability, you can make it all back and more besides.

Hey, I know times are tough for many of my readers. Many a 401k has become a 201k. Clients are asking for more and for less money. What CAN you do? Well, one strategy is to go to work on your skills and knowledge; go to work on what you bring to the table. Be honest with yourself. Take stock of your unique talents and abilities.

Would you say you are world class at what you do? Are you best in the country, best in the state, best in the county, best in the city, best in your community, or even best in your house? Pick one and be honest. Then go to work.

A question I have been asking myself for over 20 years might just be the very thing that allows you to keep your job in tough times. It might be the very thing that creates the idea for a new product or service. Here it is: How can I increase my service to others? This question is simple, powerful, and rarely asked or answered.

Here are some additional questions for you to ask yourself early in the morning or on the next long drive or commute. Keep a pen or tape recorder handy; they are powerful questions:

Once you know the answers to these questions, chances are you have identified your bliss. When you are following your bliss, you "time distort" and lose track of time. It's naturally fun and easy.

When I am speaking, facilitating, writing, and consulting, time flies. They are the four elements of my work that represent my bliss. If I invest 80 percent of my time in these activities, they are the best and highest use of my time. My most successful clients are the ones who have identified what they do well and most enjoy.

You cannot do everything. Expectations keep changing; we are being asked to do more with less. When you leverage the magical 20 percent that dramatically improves your contribution, you have more energy, more peace of mind, and more security. Now is not the time to take it easy. I dislike the phrase Take it easy. NO! Show up early, stay late, and work smarter. Ever notice that people who say it are not at the top of their game? They tend to be on the bottom rung of the socio-economic ladder. Innovate. THINK! Bring some new ideas to your boss that will lower operating costs or increase sales. Let everyone else take it easy.

Consider delegating those tasks that waste your time, don't bring you joy, you loathe, and, hey, you are not good at! Invest that time in improving your knowledge and skills in high-leverage activities. Invest in yourself. Twenty years ago, in the midst of a recession, I started attending seminars on my own dime. I began poring through every sales book I could find. I went to work on my skills and service to others. This is the key to unlocking your personal and professional potential. Forget trying to teach a pig to sing. He will only get madder than he already is.

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Just Give Them a Lot of Love and You'll Be Fine
by Mark Matteson 07-05

It was right about this time, 19 years ago, that my wife and I sat in the very last Lamaze birthing class, soon to be brand-new parents. I felt a wave of anxiety come over me; I had to ask the question. I raised my hand.

The nurse leading our class, Dorinda, pointed to me and said, "Yes, you have a question?" Did I have a question? I just knew EVERY expectant father was wondering the same thing. "You have given us some great information, almost too much. I am afraid I am going to forget all this stuff, then what?" I could feel the other dads-to-be nodding. Dorinda smiled, wise and patient; she had taught thousands of new dads. "That's a great question," she replied and, pausing for effect, continued, "That little baby doesn't know you don't know. Just give him a lot of love; you will be fine." It turned out to be the best parenting advice I have ever received.

I have a vivid memory of being a kid, maybe five years old, and holding my father's hand as we stood at Matthews Beach in Seattle. My head came up to his waist. He was a big man, standing 6-feet four-inches tall and weighing 240 pounds. He was an extraordinary athlete in his day, making All-State in three sports. He once scored 34 points in a regional final game of basketball. He started playing baseball-pitching-at age 16, during junior year of high school.

We were at Safeco Field in Seattle one evening, watching the Mariners pound the Cleveland Indians, when he told me the following story.

Dad was a high school senior in Ravenna, Ohio, where pro scouts were at every baseball game. The year was 1947, and the Cleveland Indians had the best pitching staff in baseball. One particular scout was enamored of Dad, signing him for a whopping $500 bonus to play for one of the state's minor league teams.

Dad got the call during his second summer with them. He showed up with the scout to find the general manager of the team, the club owner, a catcher, and an empty Cleveland Stadium.

In a serious voice, Dad said to me, "Mark, I threw the best baseball of my young life. I was 19 years old and I was fast. I would guess it came in around 85 miles per hour. I was feeling good about myself. I was on. I gave it everything I had. I just knew they were impressed. After 20 minutes, the owner stood up and yelled out to me, 'Okay, Bob, we are done warming up. Go ahead and show us what you've got!'"

Dad looked straight ahead as he told me this story, but turned to look me squarely in the eye as he finished, "I knew right then I would never play in the Big Show."

I was 42 years old when he told me that story. I heard a lot of stories while growing up, but this was not one of them. This one was special. He was confiding in me. He trusted me; it was time to bare a little of his soul.

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's recently. Everything is changing now. The more I learn about this insidious and horrible disease, the sadder I become. A part of this big man dies a little every day. The burden is carried by my mom; she is hauling a massive load. (For a special story about Alzheimer's, go to www.mattesonavenue.com and click on "Articles" tab to read the story, When the Box is Empty.)

I cherish the moments I have with my dad now. I know it's the ninth inning for him, and the manager may be making that call to the bullpen any time now. Grief is a form of energy and must somehow be dissipated in healthy ways, or it turns inward in the form of depression or self-destruction. Writing is how I process my grief.

I have captured many memories of my father in my journal this past year. I cry tears of regret, pain, anguish, heartache, sadness, anger, and sorrow. Occasionally, when I think of my dad in that empty stadium giving it all he had, I cry a tear of joy. I love my dad.

Now my son, Colin, is grown. That little baby got all the love I had for nineteen years. He is now 6-feet 8-inches tall and weighs 210 pounds. He will go off to college in the fall, to the University of Alaska at Fairbanks, to play basketball on a scholarship. He is a great athlete, a lot like his Grandpa. It's bittersweet: My father and my son are leaving about the same time, but for different reasons. I think I am just going to give them each a lot of love before they go. I will be just fine.

Dad and Colin, June 2005

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Where Have All The Real Hats Gone?
by Mark Matteson 07-06

In 1959, when I was two years old, almost every man wore a dress hat of some sort. Not a baseball cap, but a real hat: a hat with a brim, a hat with style, a hat with a feather, a real hat. Then something happened. A Catholic Democrat from Massachusetts with a thick crop of hair was elected president by a very thin margin. He NEVER wore a hat. Within a year, the bottom fell out and the hat industry went away. It has never fully recovered. (A new conspiracy theory perhaps, hat guys on the grassy knoll?)

I was in Houston recently, speaking to several hundred people who belong to a wonderful association (thanks Nancy!). After my talk, I left the hotel to find a Starbucks. What I was really looking for, however, was a hat store, a real hat store. I had a Kangol in mind (think of actor Samuel L. Jackson). As I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot for my little taste of Seattle, there it was, "The Hat Store".

I walked in and two tall Texans greeted me with a "Howdy." They were decked out in true Texas sartorial splendor, with ten-gallon hats and oversized shiny belt buckles. This was a classy hat store. As I looked around, my body language gave me away; not a Kangol in sight.

"Have you ever been in our store before?" they inquired.

"No," I replied.

Noticing my countenance, they asked, "Were you looking for something specific?"

Looking like Sad Sack, I replied, "Actually, I am looking for a Kangol and I don't think you carry them, do you?"
Not missing a beat and with broad Texas grins, they proceeded to give me instructions on how to get to the best store for that product. They were so nice. They had such great attitudes and really cared.

Feeling like I owed them something for their kindness I said, "You know, I don't even know what size hat I need."

They proceeded to help me clarify. It turned out I was a size seven and seven-eighths. (Let's just call it an eight!) They let me try on a few hats to make certain. Then one of them came back with a beautiful hat.

"This is probably an exact fit," he said as he put IT on me. It was a Barsolino.

"It matches your shirt. Now THAT looks nice!" he said with enthusiasm. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror; I was styling.

"The great thing about this hat is..." and he proceeded to close the sale. He grabbed a four-by-six card and began typing on an old IBM Selectric. "The correct spelling of your first and last name?" he asked.

Without thinking, I replied, "M-A-R-K-M-A-T-T-E-S-O-N."

Then he told me how this hat has a little cord that you hook to your lapel in case the wind blows your hat off your head. I was hooked, literally.

"We always stamp initials on the inside in Gold. Is MM okay?" he asked. "Last question," he said with that Texas grin, "will that be check, cash, or charge?"

Again without hesitation, I handed him my credit card. Sales happen when trust, relationship, competence, and timing come together. I never even asked how much!

I have since found my Kangol at a wonderful old hat store on Third and Union in Seattle. I am doing my best to undo what Jackie O's husband did to the hat industry. I am moving on from my baseball cap collection. I recently picked up a nice "porkpie" hat, black. People think I am a jazz musician. (No, that's my brother.)

What are you doing to improve your ability to build Trust, develop Relationships, improve your Competence, and understand Timing? Your sales will improve if you do. That's what JFK would have wanted...

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How Many Names Memorized?
by Mark Matteson 2 & 8 -05

To celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, I took Debbie to "Lost Wages", Nevada to see Jerry Seinfeld. Caesar's Palace is something to behold, but just when you think you have seen it all, there is a new casino in town. The Wynn Las Vegas is owned by Steve Wynn, a pioneer and world-class leader.

The hotel is amazing: Sitting on 192 acres, it cost $2.7 billion to build, houses 2,700 guests, has a casino measuring 110,000 square feet, features a five-story waterfall that cascades into a three-acre man-made lake, and boasts a priceless art collection, including works by Picasso, Renoir, Cezanne, and Van Gogh. Even their Web site is a visual and auditory spectacle. Over 82,000 people applied for 9,500 positions prior to the resort's opening. As we drove by the hotel, the cab driver told me that a friend of his works there. His friend had shared with him that Mr. Wynn has memorized the names of all 9,500 employees. He calls them by name when they are NOT in uniform with a name badge. Imagine that! Mr. Wynn and his resort hotels are a WOW!

There is a Seattle-based company, Nordstrom, which I have long admired and followed. It, too, is a WOW. I picked up the business section of the Seattle Times some years ago, and an article about Pat McCarthy caught my eye. He was a "super salesman", the number-one salesperson at Nordstrom. I called him up and invited him to breakfast. He didn't mind when I brought out my tape recorder.

His story is a compelling one. He was a counselor for a few years after college, and then one day he went to work for the local retailing legend.

He was a complete failure, a flop, a dud. His boss's boss said, "Fire him!" Ray Black, Pat's boss, was a compassionate coach, teacher, and a super salesman himself. He saw Pat as a potential protŽgŽ. Ray said to his boss, "Give me a month." Then Ray employed some tough love. "My boss wants me to get rid of you. I believe in you, Pat. However, you are going to have to change, learn, grow and go to work on yourself. We have a month."

To Pat's credit, he went to work on his skills and transformed himself. He improved his product knowledge, qualifying questions, active-listening skills, closing questions, service after the sale, proactive inside sales, and telephone calls in slow times. The list went on and on.

He went on to become the co-author of an insightful business biography, The Nordstrom Way. The last time I spoke with Pat, the book had turned him into an "accidental" public speaker. He is now retired from the Nordstrom flagship store in downtown Seattle.

What follows are the reasons for his success. I compiled them from the interview, my observations of him in person, and his book. If you are in sales-and who isn't-then make the time to recognize the principles, assimilate the information, and then apply the principles to your sales situation.

• He was a failure and they wanted to fire him. Then he met Ray Black, his first mentor. Pat was a willing student. He studied, he changed, and he evolved!

• Ray taught him the value of remembering names, 6,000 names in all. Yes, you read right, 6,000 names memorized in his mental rolodex! Wow!

• His bible was a loose-leaf binder filled with customer contact information; 6,000 names with details about every client and prospect. Most people do not stay to build a customer base, but sales are a long-term relationship game.

• Pat cared! He remembered not only people's names, but also their sizes, occupations, positions, marital status, and their kids. His memory was a muscle that grew over the years with practice and use.

• He made forty telephone calls a day. He began with, "It's time to update..." You know what? It's always time to update! He demonstrated integrity.

• He was proactive and assertive: It's time to update!

• Pat considered everything he did as his business. He embodied a "Servant Leadership" attitude. Making deliveries and writing thank-you notes were part of his franchise.

• FILO: First in, last out. When he was at work, he worked, often with no breaks and no lunch. He worked with total focus!

• He learned to multi-task and possessed world-class people skills. People skills are an art form: He was so deft and tactful in handling many clients at the same time, that no one ever felt slighted.

• Pat was an empathetic listener. He leaned forward, nodded, and never interrupted. He demonstrated that he really, really cared. He was also soft-spoken, modest, and kind.

• When his clients were happy, he would say, "This was fun for me! Shall we do this again?"

• He saw himself as a counselor, a coach, and a friend. He gave back to "the bucket of life". (See the book, How Full is you Bucket? by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton.)

Pat produced 1.3 million dollars a year in gross sales in the men's suits department. This was almost twice as much as the second top-selling salesperson at Nordstrom. It meant that he generated an income of $80,000 a year, plus profit sharing of $20,000 to $30,000, and benefits.

Will any of us achieve the level of mental acumen that enables someone to remember 6,000 customer names, let alone the names of 9,500 employees? Maybe not, but we can start with the people around us.

Can you lend me $499 bucks for one night? That's the price of the cheapest room at the Wynn Las Vegas. It's a 600-square-foot broom closet, but the view is amazing. I am going to check in as soon I am done at Nordstrom.

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How to Get the Most from Your Next Vacation or Long Weekend
by Mark Matteson 08-09

One of my all-time favorite movies is John Hughes' Trains, Planes and Automobiles with Steve Martin and John Candy. Steve Martin plays the perfect victim. Even though I know what is coming in every scene, I laugh every time the rental car is scorched beyond recognition along with his Diners Club card. He has to trade his watch for a room for the night.

My wife informed me some months ago that we were going to Alaska again: We would help our two sons pack and ship their belongings back to Lynnwood, Washington, attend Colin's graduation ceremony, and drive and sightsee from Fairbanks to Anchorage.

I sat down with pen and journal to THINK about what I could do to get the most from this weeklong celebration/journey/Alaska adventure. The big question was, "What do I hope to gain from this journey?" Knowing that this might be the last time I traveled to Alaska for quite a while, I wanted to carpe diem (seize the day). I also asked myself, "Given the sheer volume of traveling over the last 15 years, what have I learned about maximizing the travel experience?" Here is what I came up with; I hope you find my list helpful, too.

• Bring my digital camera and spare batteries. Take way more pictures than I used to when I had to pay for every print. The right JPEG is worth a thousand words.

• Bring a blank journal and some spare pens. Get FROM the trip, not just THROUGH it.

• Read from a variety of books about the destination: Fodor's, Rick Steves, Frommer's, and Best Places are all rich resources of information. They will guarantee that you never have a bad meal or spend your hard-earned money on a lousy hotel or a bad show. They also provide the back story, specific history which enhances the visit by a factor of ten.

• The front desk clerk of any hotel, or the concierge, can help you plan the must-see destinations.

• Get to the airport at least two hours before your flight to minimize stress and leverage seating choices and options. Ask for a bulkhead or exit row upon arrival.

• If it is a long flight, use miles to upgrade to business or first class. If you are unable to use miles, invest the money to upgrade if the flight is longer than five hours.

• Pack as light as you can. Leave space in your bags for gift purchases.
  

• Send postcards to loved ones and close friends. Gloat a little with "wish you were here" reminders.

• Go where the locals go, and use buses, trains, and walk! It's good for you and you will see things you wouldn't otherwise see. One of the highlights of my trip to Istanbul with Matt Michel was using public transportation, riding trams crammed with locals and taking the underground trains.

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I Can Turn You Off
by Mark Matteson 09-05

It was April 2000, and I was in San Diego, California to give a presentation at the annual gathering of MHEDA, the Material Handling Equipment Distributors Association. The conference was held at a four-star hotel, and 200 CEOs were in a room to hear me talk about "Customer Service Excellence". It was a wonderful opportunity, not just for additional speaking engagements, but to test a back-of-the-room sales technique I had just read about.

You see, I finally had a product to sell. My first book on effective communication-which few people knew about-was for sale on audio cassette, and I secretly hoped that some of these corporate executives would buy it.

As a rule, CEOs of large companies tend to be very forthright, even brutally honest. I was grateful for that then and now. Without feedback, honest feedback, none of us can grow. Winning doesn't teach, only losing does. The coroner only performs an autopsy when someone dies. Well, I am happy to report that I received all nine's and ten's on my evaluations, until the technology question. I was the only presenter still using an overhead projector with the plastic-coated slides that must be manually overlaid on the projector. Hey, my slides were in color, and I had taken great care to customize them to my audience's industry. The problem was, this was a sophisticated and technology-savvy group accustomed to PowerPoint presentations from their speakers.

Despite my anachronistic approach, the engagement went well. Many people came up to me afterward, shook my hand, and gave me their business cards. Several of them also purchased some of my cassettes. Between the back-of-the-room sales and the positive reviews, I was aglow.

Then I turned to the last page of the evaluations and read their answers to the technology question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate his seminar?

Ouch! And so it went. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can put you down without your permission." Well, I gave them mine! Man, did I feel bad-for about 15 minutes.

Then I turned on my laptop computer. I HAD PowerPoint! I sat down and spent the next four hours teaching myself that program. I look back at my early efforts and shudder, but they were a start. Now I use full-motion video, pictures, charts, etc. Fred Flintstone is dead; long live George Jetson, baby!

I must be willing to hear the bad news. Without honest feedback and a willingness to change, I will never grow.

There is a happy ending to this tale. One CEO who purchased my tapes at the conference called me for a speaking engagement. I called him back on his car phone.

He said, "Hold on, let me turn this off. I was listening to your audio tapes."

A little flattered, I asked, "What do you like most about them?"

He paused for a moment and then said, "You know what I like the most?"

Holding my breath in anticipation, I replied, "No, what?"

"I can turn you off any time I like!"

You don't need to sick to get better. Here are some questions to test your willingness to change and grow:

1. What is holding you back from taking your work to the next level?
   

2. What barriers are in the way?
   

3. What would happen if you were to proactively solicit objective feedback from smart and honest businesspeople around you?
   

4. Who can you ask?
   

5. Why wait for an autopsy to find out why you died!

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Vitamin H: The Best Medicine
by Mark Matteson 10-06

I want to talk to you about a serious subject: humor. We have all heard the expression, "Laughter is the best medicine." Why? We know it feels good, especially after a good guffaw. I have invested the last 15 years to studying wellness, longevity, and solid mental management.

In that research (literally hundreds of books, CDs, and articles), some common denominators bubble to the surface. Humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves and at circumstances are at the top of the list.

Jerry Seinfeld once said in an interview, "I knew I wanted to be a comedian when I was eight years old. I made milk come out of my friend's nose at lunch one day. I was hooked." From that day, Jerry had a plan and the discipline to follow it. Jerry approached his comedy dreams very seriously; few would-be comedians do.

Besides Mr. Seinfeld (and his pal Larry David), you might know my other three favorite comedians by their first names alone: Rodney, Bob, and Louie. I have always been drawn to the comedians who employ self-effacing humor-poking fun at themselves-as opposed to the more common attacking-the-audience style of Don Rickles or Chris Rock. Recently I read biographies of each one of these three funnymen. I'll start with the youngest.

Louie Anderson has made a name for himself as the "Fat Guy" of comedy. He carries the torch lit by Jackie Gleason. He's done stand-up for years, in addition to HBO specials, game-show hosting, and, of course, movies. His bittersweet book, Goodbye Jumbo, Hello Cruel World, was a revelation. There were 11 kids in his family. They were poor and had an alcoholic, abusive father. Louie turned to food for solace; he turned to stand-up comedy for survival and to run away.
In his book, Louie stops running. He faces his life, his addiction to food (at 6-feet, 1-inch tall, he got up to 360 pounds) and, ultimately, his role of victim. Louie does several very healthy things to heal himself of his painful past and self-destructive present that no amount of money or fame could assuage. With the passing of his mother, he sells his million-dollar home in Malibu, sells all the junk and clutter from his Minnesota past, and reconciles with his siblings with a very simple strategy. He writes: I realized I spent the last 37 years searching for the love and affection I never knew as a child. That was my problem. I thought I would find it in the spoils of success. Nothing was ever enough. No laugh was ever big enough to dry the tears. No applause was ever enough to replace the hugs I never got. No amount of money was ever enough to replace what I wanted or needed. No meal could fill the pit in my stomach. No food could satisfy my craving. He found what he was looking for in one simple word and action-forgiveness.

I saw his "Larger than Life" show in Las Vegas, an ironic title, given that he must now weigh 250 pounds. I spoke with him after the show and told him that his sincerity, honesty, humility, compassion, and gratitude were tangible. It was a visceral experience. Reading his book was one of the most honest and heart-wrenching experiences I have ever had. There is a little of Louie's past in each of our lives, I believe.

"Bob" is, of course, Bob Newhart. A few years ago, this subtle, laid-back icon wrote a book titled I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This. It's hilarious. He changed the face of comedy in 1960 with a live album that sold over a million copies. It was called a "spoken word" record; he told stories instead of one-liners. His humor was more cerebral than other comedians of the time. It was (and still is) situational, but not overtly sexual or profane. His facial expressions and use of the pause make you laugh. He is the everyman.

His hit TV shows paved the way for guys like Ray Romano. Bob is an anomaly in the world of comedy; prior to stand-up, he was an accountant who hated his job. He's also been married for 47 years to the same woman! With Bob, what you see is what you get.

Rodney, "Mister-I-Get-No-Respect" Dangerfield was born Jacob Cohen. Like Louie's childhood, his was heartbreaking. A bitter, alcoholic mother and an absentee, philandering father made for an incredibly sad life. They were so poor that he found a job selling ice cream at the beach when he was nine years old. Rodney managed to make and save over $100, real money for anyone in 1932. When he went to the bank to withdraw some of his savings, he found that his mother had stolen ALL of it. "We needed it," was all she said. In true Rodney form, he shrugged it off and proceeded to find another way to earn some dough.

He changed his name to Jack Roy and, at age 16, began his career in stand-up comedy. The comedy came from his pain: "I lived in a tough neighborhood growing up. There was an Italian restaurant near my house, Nunzio's, formerly Vito's, which served 'Broken Leg of Lamb'; these guys were tough." His story is unique. He left comedy at the age of 28 to sell aluminum siding for 12 years and have a family. Then, at age 40, he jumped back in with both feet. He was an icon at the time of his death at age 82. He found the respect he never received as a child.

After reading these three books, I concluded humor heals the receiver, but not necessarily the sender. Healing the sender is a separate work. Why do comedy and humor heal the receiver? According to Doctor William Fry, professor emeritus at Stanford University's School of Medicine, "Each humor event you experience makes you grow a little bit. As the brain has expanded, it takes on new connections." Humor improves memory. Advertisers have known this for years. Otherwise, we wouldn't have lizards selling insurance or dogs selling beer. "Humor loosens up the mind and fosters creativity and innovation," according to Alice Isen, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and management at Cornell University.

In his book, The Healing Heart, Norman Cousins introduced readers to the field of psychoneuroimmunology and the role humor plays in it. He writes of using himself as a guinea pig to prove that humor and laughter bolster the immune system. He walked out of the hospital six weeks after doctors gave him a few months to live. His remedy? Massive doses of vitamins C and H (humor). He watched hundreds of comedies, including the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges.

Next time you are feeling sorry yourself, go to a comedy club, watch a DVD like Wedding Crashers or Sleepless in Seattle, or pick up a humor book like Nora Ephron's masterpiece, I Feel Bad About My Neck, and have a good laugh. Better yet, read it to a friend who is feeling blue and make milk come out of their nose. You will feel better, I promise.

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Things Change
by Mark Matteson 10-07

"The more things change, the more they stay the same." We have all heard this proverb. I never quite understood it until recently. How about, "You are exactly the same as you were in high school!" This one is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. I hope I have changed since high school.

Yesterday, I attended the funeral of a friend's father. Steve's dad was born in 1932 and he had worked for Boeing for most of his life. He was a good soul who was loved by his family and friends. As I listened to his loved ones talk about him, I looked down the row. The five of us sitting there had all played Little League baseball together. There was a cop, an artist, a gas station owner, a real estate developer, and Steve, a Boeing employee like his dad. What stood out to me were the stories, stories based on fond memories: funny stories, bittersweet stories, stories to make you Laugh, Cry and Think.

What do you have after a person is gone? Pictures, letters, clothes, memories, feelings, relationships and, oh yes, the stories. It's the stories that bind us. Home is where your history is. That Lutheran church we gathered in was smack-dab in the heart of the neighborhood where we all grew up. At the reception, I talked with old friends. I began every conversation with, "What I remember about you was..." and told a story about them. They grinned from ear to ear or said, "I don't remember that..." and then laughed. Several times I thought to myself, "Some of these guys haven't changed a bit since high school," and that was a good thing.

My recent surgery (two operations to remove 12 inches of my colon and my appendix) allowed me to reflect on what is really important. Funerals accomplish the same thing without the expense or pain. Here are my reflections from my three-week hospital stay. I hope they hold some meaning for you as they most certainly have for me:

• God first. Richard Pryor said after one of his many hospital stays, "When you are on your deathbed, you don't call on Bank of America." How true.

• Family second. In the end, it's your nuclear and extended family that matters. You will know them by the calls, visits, written notes of sympathy and caring. Before it's too late, let them know how much they mean to you. Heal any old wounds.

• Friends third. During the two months I recovered from surgery, I received dozens of calls, e-mails, and cards from childhood friends, clients, subscribers, and colleagues, all wishing me a speedy recovery. I need to invest more time in those relationships.

• Insurance is vital. How is yours? Is it enough? I asked the question in a previous article, "How many days forward can you live?" Here is my new set of life-changing questions: "Can your business run without you for six months?", "What if you couldn't work for a year, would you be okay financially?", "How liquid are you?", and "Do you have six months of savings for the rainy-day surgery?"

• Do you have a will? Has anything changed since it was drafted? Is it time to update it?

• Nurses are under-paid and underappreciated. I gave away 30 copies of my books to the staff at Stevens Hospital as a thank-you. It takes a special person to be a nurse. God bless them.

• Compassion matters. The first visitors really meant something. As the word spread that I was in the hospital, more friends came by. It sped up my recovery. It mattered. I resolve to care more, listen more, understand more, visit more, and help others more. I need to volunteer my time in a nursing home, a children's hospital, or any place where people feel alone and forgotten.
  

• Only one life that soon is past, only what's done with love will last. How can I increase my service to others today? I want to make a bigger difference in the world. To date, I have written four books and four e-books. That needs to improve. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. What can I do today to improve the quality of life and business for my clients, friends, and loved ones?

People change. Principles do not. I think that's what my lead-in quote means. We get older, loved ones die, children grow up and leave the nest, strained relations heal in time, and we learn to forgive old resentments. What remains are fond memories and meaningful stories.

The more things change, the more they remain the same. Thank God.

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Get Bigger Than Your Job
by Mark Matteson 10-09

Many years ago I came across the concept of "Getting Bigger than Your Job". It's a simple concept, really. The theory is that you don't get promoted; you just get bigger than your job. Are you frustrated because no one appreciates your efforts? Have you been passed over for promotion? Do you feel stuck? Maybe there is a reason.

A friend of mine, who is a world-class salesperson, told me over breakfast one day that in his first year he was almost fired for being so bad at sales. He smiled as he recalled how na•ve and green he was. "Dumber than a bag of hammers," was the phrase I recall.

He told me, "I didn't deserve a raise or a promotion. I was working hard but not producing. I equated hours logged as the measure of my success and it was a poor measure. Results were the name of the game." Then he went to work on his own personal development. He took responsibility for his career.

Fix the following question in your mind: Do you want more KASH? It's an acronym that stands for:

K = Knowledge A = Attitude S = Skills H = Habits

If you want to earn more money, go to work on these four disciplines and watch the opportunity for more responsibility laid upon your doorstep. Let's examine them one at a time.

Knowledge
Is it power? NO, knowledge is potential power. Applied knowledge is power. How well do you know your company's products and services? Would you say that you are an expert in your company? In your industry? I listened to a Brian Tracy audio tape years ago in which he suggests, if you are in sales, to read a book about sales at least 30 to 60 minutes each morning. So I did. I started with 20 minutes. An idea emerged from reading the fifth day. I applied it and what do you know! I closed a sale. I got excited and kicked up my reading to 45 minutes each morning. Sales started to flow like water. I got up 90 minutes earlier just to read. Within 90 days, I was 250 percent of my sales plan. Read books, listen to CDs while you drive, and read trade magazines in your industry. Become an expert; it won't take long. In less than six months, you will be the expert in your company. In a year you'll be an expert in your region and in five years, in the country....

Attitude
How is yours? Your attitude is a choice you make each day. Be honest and ask yourself:

1. Prospecting and planning

2. Qualifying (great questions combined with active listening skills)

3. Proposal writing (writing skills and creativity)

4. Closing skills

5. Service after the sale

6. Referral generation

How do you stack up? If there is any doubt, sit down with your boss or sales manager and ask for objective and honest feedback. Then go to work on your skills. Get a mentor. Keep a journal. Read, study, evaluate, and grow.

Habits
First we form habits, and then they form us. In sales, it's forming the habit of doing the things most salespeople don't like to do, calling on people who don't want to see you and talking about things they would rather not discuss. Sales require:

Life and business don't just happen, they happen justly. It's a fair and ordered universe in which we live and work. Get bigger than your job. When you notice that you have, everyone else will have known for a while. Results are the name of the game.

If you remember K.A.S.H., you can toss out that bag of hammers and assume more responsibility. The money will follow.

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My mother claims I have never met a stranger. My wife and children agree.

On a recent trip to the dentist, I observed a unique mother/daughter relationship. It was clear they were very close. Doris was having her teeth cleaned, and her daughter, who drove her to the appointment, sat in the waiting room with her. I struck up a conversation.

"Are you really ninety-six?" I inquired.

She smiled, "Yes."

Now in my writer/social scientist groove, I asked her, "What is your secret to a long life?"

Her daughter jumped in and answered, "She reads a book a week. She walks all the time and is a good golfer. She only recently retired from that. She usually has the low score."

Doris smiled and bragged a little, "I'm a great putter. That's all I ever practice."

"Do you have a philosophy, something you live by?" I asked.

"Forget the past, don't worry about the future, and live in the moment. Life is short." Doris replied.

I have long believed everyone is in sales. Each of us sells something-a product, a service, our company, ourselves-24/7/365. Perhaps the best example of this principle is Irene Buckley. She began selling life insurance in the 1930s. She was a pioneer who, at age 95, broke her arm in an accident. While visiting the doctor, she sold him a $50,000 insurance policy!

Isabelle Doyle turned 105 in 2002. Her story was on the front page of the local paper. She had outlived four husbands. Every one of them had worked for the railroad, and Isabelle boasted that she never had to purchase a rail ticket. She won a "Best Ankles in Everett" contest in 1915! When asked how she had lived so long, she replied, "All things in moderation. I don't smoke or drink. I say my prayers every night." Then she shared her favorite prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I wish I had a man to keep. If there is one beneath my bed, I hope he heard all I said."

All three of these women have one thing in common. They are all optimists.

Recently, I have become a big fan of L.I.G. (Life is Good retail stores). They sell hats, t-shirts, coffee cups, and Frisbees; it's a cool chain. In 1989, two brothers from Boston, Bert and John Jacobs, started designing and hawking their t-shirts door-to-door from a used van they named the "Enterprise".

After five years of living in their van, eating peanut butter and jelly, and showering when they could, they had $78 and were almost ready to quit the ultimate road trip. Then they created Jake, a smiling stick man, and his dog, Rocket. The brand has become an icon of optimism. I purchased a new hat and their coffee-table book of quotes and drawings, which I read on a recent flight from L.A. to Seattle. Here are my favorite quotes from the book:

Doris Young is always smiling. So is her daughter. They read self-help books to each other as they drive; they are best friends. I pray I live that long and with that kind of relationship with my sons. I can just see it: Colin is 66-years-young, teasing me about my thick glasses as I read to him.

I need to see my dentist more often. He has a great sense of humor. He told me that he has two patients over 100 years of age, both of them women. He said, "I always get them in and out as fast as I can! I'm scheduled to see him again in November. I hope that I see DORIS "96 Years" YOUNG again. Just don't tell my wife! Life IS Good.

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How to Be Welcome Anywhere!
by Mark Matteson 12-08

It was a bittersweet departure at 02:30. I was sad to leave the Ramada Plaza Hotel in the New District of Istanbul, but it had been a long week and I was looking forward to returning home. It seemed like I had been gone a month. My stay had been nine pounds of coffee in a five-pound can, with 18-hour days of consulting, a keynote speech, and book signings.

Traveling internationally is a true joy for me today. I am naturally curious and I genuinely want to know about people: who they are, where they come from, what they do, and how they do it. I guess that comes in handy as a writer. Old or young, everyone teaches me. Some are warnings and some are examples. On this trip, I met so many nice examples of kind, generous, fun loving, excited, grateful, and-just like me-curious people.

This morning I flew from Istanbul to Frankfurt. I meet some pretty extraordinary people when flying business class internationally. When this happens, I like to ask a lot of questions and then dominate the listening. Listening affords me a number of distinct advantages: I get to eat while they talk; I get to rest my voice while they talk; and I get to learn a great deal (I never learn anything while I am talking).

We all need some strategies for success with people. Here are some of my favorite conversation starter questions, ten "ice breaker" questions:

1. How did you get started in your business? OR
   

2. What got you started?
   

3. Describe a typical day (or week) for you?
   

4. What separates you from your competition?
   

5. What keeps you up at night?
   

6. What trends do you see on the horizon?
   

7. What advice would you offer someone just starting in your business?
   

8. What one thing would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?
   

9. What has your business or industry taught you?
   

10. Looking at the long term, the cycles or tides, what is your organization doing to survive this temporary tide-out condition?

It was Susan Hall, my high school German teacher and first mentor, who said something that I have never forgotten: Everyone has a story; what if you let them tell it to you...you have made more than a friend. Sitting in the Frankfurt Airport as I type this, I reflected on this trip. I have had dozens of delightful conversations. Flying Lufthansa, three flight attendants gave me some great travel advice for my trip to Frankfurt next September. I gave them signed copies of Freedom from Fear FOREVER. I asked two of the questions above and listened. I made more than a few new friends, I was able to work on my German, eat some great food, and did I learn some things today...

Topkapi Palace overlooks the Sea of Marmara and the Bosphorus Strait. It was built in 1470 by the Ottoman sultan Mehmet the Conqueror and served as the sole administrative palace for 400 years. The group of elementary school children I met taught me enthusiasm and greeting strangers with open arms and laughter. The 80-year-old man selling hats in the village square taught me the simplicity of handing a prospect the product and smiling. He closed the sale without a word of English, just kindness, patience, and a mirror. These wonderfully friendly Turkish people don't know or care that there is a recession. They love life and people. I have a lot to learn.

In my keynote presentation in Istanbul, I quoted Mevlana Rumi, a poet and philosopher who lived from 1207 to 1273. He lived much of his life in Konya, Turkey and is buried there. The book referenced above has sold over 250,000 copies worldwide. Here is a snapshot of Rumi's philosophy in his own words:

1. In GENEROSITY...be like the River...flowing and abundant.
   

2. In COMPASSION and GRACE...be like the Sun, magnanimous and warm.
   

3. In CONCEALING OTHERS FAULTS... be like the Night, hidden, dark and silent.
   

4. In ANGER...be like the Dead, quiet.
   

5. In HUMILITY...be like the Earth.
   

6. In TOLERANCE...be like the Sea, vast and never-ending.
   

7. Either exist as you are...or be as you look.

Now more than ever, timeless principles of personal development bring us back to center. I call it drilling the fundamentals.

Here are four fundamentals to consider:

1. Give up blame. Take 100 percent responsibility for your present and future circumstances. Wayne Dyer wrote, "All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless how much you blame him or her, it will not change you." In short, you thought the thoughts, you created the feelings, you made the choices, you said the words, and that's why you are where you are now.

2. Give up complaining. Football coach Lou Holtz once said, "The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it." Make the decision to stop complaining, to stop spending precious time with complainers, and get on with the business of realizing your goals. Take action. Do something different.

3. Pay attention to the road signs. Hunches, whispers, taps on the shoulder, the feeling in your stomach, the inkling you had, the fleeting thought, the intuition; they are all road signs pointing the way to your goals. Pay attention. Stop pretending you don't feel them. Write them down.

4. Manage your input. Ask yourself honestly,

a) What am I saying to myself?

b) What am I doing? How am I investing my time each day?

c) What am I reading on a daily basis?

d) What am I thinking?

e) What am I watching?

f) Who am I listening to?

g) Who is influencing me?

Start paying attention to what is affecting and impacting your life. Look around. Do your current systems work? Are you getting what you want? Don't kid yourself; be ruthlessly honest with yourself and take inventory. Change. Take some risks. Try something new and different. Now is the time! Maybe it's time to buy a new hat in the square from a wise old man. It looks good on you. Take this mirror...see?

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Retire or Reinvent? by Mark Matteson 10-09

One day in 1984, I was fixing an ice machine at the Horizon House, an upscale senior community, in Seattle. When the lunch bell rang, in came 35 women chasing one guy; we'll call him George. He was 84 years young. I remember thinking, "God has a sense of humor. If a guy lives long enough, the women chase him!" Then I asked myself, "Why thirty-five to one? Where are all the dudes?" The answer, they were dead! I continued to ask myself, "Why dead dudes?"

On a recent trip to Orlando, Florida, I had the privilege of delivering the keynote address for the opening morning general session of "Coverings", an annual event that draws over 30,000 people in the flooring industry each year. The Monday evening before my presentation, I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant and then wandered over to a mall across the street. As I ascended an escalator, I heard the distinct sounds of a blues guitar coming from none other than B. B. King's Blues Club. I poked my head inside and heard a blues guitar solo that was reminiscent of Buddy Guy or Albert King. Then the guitar player sang; wow. "Who is this guy?" I inquired as the waiter took my drink order. "Oh, that's 'Beautiful Bobby Blackmon'; he's good, isn't he?"

I smiled. I sat back and enjoyed four guys playing some of the best blues this side of South Chicago. When they took a break, I wandered over to buy a CD and talk to Bobby.

"Who have you played with?" I asked. He smiled, tilted his head back, and laughed. It was an authentic laugh, an honest and infectious laugh that you almost never hear in a corporate office. It was a blissful laugh. He was really having fun.

"Let's see," he replied, "Lou Rawls, Etta James..." his voice trailing off.

"How did you get started singing the blues?" I expected to hear a long story about how he began playing in the 50s with B. B. King. Instead, he told a unique story.

"I began working in the warehouse of a large pharmaceutical company. One day, the sales manager asked me if I ever thought about getting into sales. Eventually, I surrendered and agreed. Within four years, I was the top salesman in the company. I rose to become director of sales and eventually began teaching others in the company via seminars. My last few years, I was an internal consultant for sales and marketing internationally."

He took sip of his Pepsi and continued, "About eight years ago, I quit the industry and started playing music full-time. Now I travel about one hundred fifty days a year playing the blues with my band."

"Your band is tight," I said.

He smiled and replied, "Yes, we have been together for the entire eight years."

After Bobby went back on stage for his last set of the night, I began talking with the woman who took my $20 for his CD. Her name is Shirley, and she is Bobby's wife. She travels with him. It turns out that she was a former executive secretary for a general manager of the Brentwood Holiday Inn in California. Shirley had fascinating stories of her own. She told me that Bobby had played music on and off for years, even cutting a 45 in the late '60s. But his career got in the way of his music.

"Bobby loves to play music. He is having more fun now than ever." Her face glowed with a combination of pride and loving affection. Then she added, "We have been together for fifty-two years. I am seventy-one."

Bobby didn't retire eight years ago; he re-invented himself. He will live a long time, because he surrendered to his bliss. If you go to CDBaby.com or Myspace.com, you can find Bobby Blackmon.

After my ice machine experience, I began studying the connection between bliss and longevity. According to research conducted by New York Life Insurance, 68 percent of American males are dead within 18 months of retirement. Why? My research and observations lead me to believe that there are four fundamental reasons women live longer than men:

1. Women eat smarter than men. Observe any buffet: While men eat a double-cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake, women have salad and a cup of fresh fruit!

2. Women exercise regularly. They can be spotted at shopping malls, briskly walking in groups of four or five. Men? Well, our idea of a good workout is surfing the Internet, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, and skating on thin ice.

3. Women talk about real stuff. Driving home from a party one night, my wife told me all about the troubles of a woman she had talked with at the party. "You have known this woman for a while?" I asked. She replied, "No, I just met her tonight." Stunned, I asked, "But you talked with her for a long time tonight?" My wife shook her head, "No, just ten minutes or so. Why?" I responded, "I know guys for twenty years and don't know that much about them!" With a maternal expression, she smiled and replied, "Oh, she needed to talk." As if that makes it all okay! Women talk about REAL stuff; men talk about sports and quarterly profits.

4. Women lack an element present in the male psyche. An unspoken element of the male psyche is, "If I am what I do, when I don't, I'm not." Allow me to explain. If I am what I do (my job), when I don't (go to work every day), I'm not (a worthwhile member of society). We derive our self-worth through our work. When that is gone-through retirement, downsizing, or injury-our self-worth goes with it. Women, on the other hand, are not wired like this; they never retire. My theory is that the maternal instinct, the urge to nurture, gives women a sense of purpose. They act on that urge in their various roles: as daughters, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, godmothers, and best friends.

We frequently see examples of this in public. For instance, one woman at an airport steps up to help a young mother-a complete stranger-who is struggling to carry both her infant and her luggage. The first woman offers the young mother assistance, and she gladly accepts it. Women find worth in serving children. It takes an entire village (of women) to raise a child. Men are off reading the newspaper's sports section. The source of your self-worth is just as important as eating right, exercising, and talking about life issues that really matter.

If my theories are on target, it certainly explains the ratio of 35 women to one guy. George must have exercised, eaten right, and talked about real stuff. Or maybe he just didn't retire! When I get to 65, I will be just starting to figure this whole thing out. My late mentor and publisher, Charlie T. Jones, had it figured out.

Retire or reinvent? Bobby and Charlie simply shifted gears. They found their bliss and surrendered to it. Fellas, what is yours? Before you ever reach age 65, ask yourself the following questions:

When you find a common thread in the answers to these questions, you have identified your bliss. Some men never find it. Some look for it early and surrender to it. Others discover it later in life, and it adds years to their life and life to their years.

Let's go to that blues club; I hear Beautiful Bobby Blackmon is playing. Man, does he play a mean guitar...for a consultant. Could I have some more ice for my drink...George?

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