E-Zine Street
Volume 2, # 6 The Service Professionals Resource - May 3, 2006 - $2.95

Road Map
Ave-A-News
Road Improvements
So that's where that came from
One for the road
Watch "The Road" buddy
The Boulevard
The Wire's Conduit

Mark's Highway
Greetings and welcome back my friends! Thank you for your valuable time. We will make it worth your while. Invest a few minutes and read on....

Women Who Defend Their Cavemen

I have been married to the same woman for nearly 30 years. I married UP. As Matt Peterson says, "I out-punted the coverage." She finishes my sentences. She knows what I am thinking. I don't have a clue, because she is from Venus and I'm a Martian. (Yes, I read the book along with two million other men.)

We recently went to see Defending the Caveman in Seattle at the Act Theatre. It was sold out. There were 200 people there to see the longest running one-man play in Broadway history. It was excellent. Here are my notes: Women use over 7,000 words a day, men use just 2,000.

This explains a great deal. At the end of the day, when Debbie asks me how my day was, I say "Good." That's it. I am out of words. She wants to process; she wants feelings and details. Can't, I'm out of words! If I tell her that I saw a mutual friend, she asks me 199 questions about all the details of his life for the last five years. I respond, "He's still driving the same ole piece-of-crap car." After that, I say, "I don't know, it didn't come up." (He and I were out of words for the day!)

The first time I saw my wife vigorously cleaning the bathroom, I asked, "Are we moving?"

She said, "I thought you said you cleaned the bathroom."

"I did!" I replied defensively.

She pursued, "How did you get to age twenty-five and not know how to clean a bathroom?"

I explained about my old roommates; I was the cleanest cat in the crib. The bar was really low. After all these years, she is still under the misapprehension that if I see her cleaning, it's a hint for me to join in....Nope! Martians NEVER clean the house when the NBA playoffs are on TNT.

When we are at a party and the potato chip bowl is empty, my wife and all five of her girlfriends jump up at once to refill it in the kitchen. In a spirit of cooperation, it becomes a group project. You see, the Venusians are GATHERERS, while Martians are NEGOTIATORS.

When we realize the chip bowl is empty, Martian number one says, "I brought the chips!"

"It's my bowl," retorts Martian number two.

"I carried them from the car!" pipes in Martian number three.

"I ate 'em," Martian number four trails off.

He must refill the bowl and we all laugh at him. Loser!

The home is an extension of the Venusian personality. This explains why I haven't been allowed to use the towels in the guest bathroom for almost 30 years. They are only for decoration. So what have I done with my wet hands all this time in THAT bathroom? Wipe them on my shirt! This extension-of-her-personality idea is also why I never have a say about any of the furniture in our home. My bookshelves, made of cinder blocks and planks, were the first to go when we got married. Next was the coffee table I made in wood shop. (You know the one, spots burned on it with a propane torch and then laminated.)

Finally, on driving, she says to me, "Why don't you let him in?"

My answer, "He cut me off five miles back." I no sooner say it, than he does it again and then speeds up. I honk, give him half a peace sign, and exclaim, "I'm gonna get him!" I step on the gas.

The Venusian queen softly asks, "What are you going to do when you catch him?"

I give her the furrowed brow. "I haven't thought that far ahead!" I think to myself.

Read the book or go see the play. Take your wife or girlfriend. She will be laughing at you and all the other Martians in the room for two hours. Afterward, she will ask you how you FELT about it. You can tell her, "Good." She will know you are out of words. Besides, if you hurry home, you can catch the fourth-quarter of the game.

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Fun Facts

"Sleep Tight", an expression to "sleep well", has at least two possible origins. One is that mattresses were once supported by ropes tied tightly to the bed frame in a crisscross pattern. Another is that the saying originated with ropes securing sailors' sleeping hammocks aboard ships. Oh, and the related expression, "don't let the bed bugs bite" is a recent addition of less than 100 years.

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One for the road

This month's best read is You Can't Fire Me; I'm Your Father by Neil N. Koenig, Ph.D. This is one of those books with a lot of bonuses. It's not just about family and it's not just about business. It's a great guide for both

You'll find it here: click here

Watch "The Road" Buddy!

• Have you seen the Matteson Avenue Site Map page?

• How are your new goals this year coming?

• Listen to the Girl Scout Cookie Story this month.

• Laugh more this year.

• Learn more this year by reading a book a month on the Reading List

• Leave a legacy this year - Freedom From Fear Forever has a great message!

The Boulevard
PLANNING TO KEEP YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS?

According to Purdue University, and most experts, it's not only important to have written goals, but you must have a plan to reach your goals.

Goals 2006 is the complete program to help you "create a life on purpose". Will 2006 be just another ho-hum year that started with good intentions? Or will it be YOUR Year to lose that weight you're tired of carrying, start that business you've been talking about, or get out of debt for good. Are you tired of being stuck in the same gear?

Go see why one program graduate, Lucy O. said, "Breaking through, or at least finally recognizing, what my barrier is with writing goals, is a MAJOR accomplishment - one I've been trying to find for over 15 years! And I finally got it - I GOT IT!" Click Here

The Wire's Conduit

This month's Wire tip is about protection. No, not that kind! It's about three important tools you need to protect you computer(s). They are virus protection, a firewall, and spyware protection. (Backing up your files goes without saying!)

Virus protection is common these days, but you would surprised how many people don't use it or don't keep it up to date. Yeah, I know it costs at least $30 a year to keep it up to date, but ask yourself how much of your computer data you can afford to lose.

A firewall is just as important these days, because the bad guys are using every opportunity to get into unprotected networks. Firewalls can keep the bad guys out by blocking certain connections or ports on your network. Did you know that there are over 65,000 ports available per connection? A common one is port 80 for Web browsing. E-mail uses ports 20 and 110. Firewalls can be software based or hardware based. Most, but not all, cable modems and DSL routers have built-in firewalls. If you use a dialup connection, it's not as big a deal, but do you want to depend on your ISP for protection?

Spyware protection is just as important as the other two these. Say that your kids or you browse a free game site. Cool, look at those games! You start playing them, while behind the scenes a spyware program has been loaded onto your computer. This stealth program starts logging everything you do and every place you go online. You say that all you do use a Napster-type (free) file sharing program? Well, you've got spyware on your computer. Little Sally likes to visit a kid's game site? You probably have it, too. There are over 40,000 spyware programs out there. Now you may not have anything valuable on your PC, but these spyware programs will slow your computer to a crawl. Some of these are really nasty and can require considerable effort to remove.

You can deal with these nasties with one program or use a different program to protect from each. I prefer to deal with them "ala-carte", but depending on thea person's technical savvy, I usually recommend they get an all-in-one product like Norton or McAfee. (There are others, too).
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