Why is it that many of the people in our life feel that “fixing us” is one of their major responsibilities? Who says they are right? Many of the people who have tried to fix me over the years could have used a little fixing themselves; but by saying that, I know I am implying that my view of what their life could or should be is better for them than their own.

I was not put here on this Earth as your judge and jury. I was not put here to get you to change according to my personal views. And I was not put here to criticize your behaviors, decisions, actions, thoughts, emotions, or beliefs. Sure, some of these may need to change (see, I did it again), but when and how is up to you and not me.

Everyone is on his or her own life path to discovery. Everyone is given the opportunity to learn what he needs to learn when he needs to learn it. Whether he learns it now, later, or never, however, is none of my business—yes, even if I am his parent or spouse.

Some might say that it is the responsibility of a spouse or parent to teach. To this I would agree to some extent. Yes, a parent needs to help a child learn to dress, count to ten, and have good manners. Yes, it could be the responsibility of a spouse to teach his partner how he needs or wants to be loved, how to be more thoughtful and understanding. But, is it the responsibility of a parent to teach a child how to handle disappointment, adversity, or failure? Is it the responsibility of a spouse to teach his partner how to handle herself in social situations, how to dress, or what to think?

You decide. Because your decision could greatly impact your acceptance of the fundamental principle in this book and whether you enjoy it and benefit from it or put it back on the shelf un-read.

You are responsible to people but not for them. By this I mean that you are responsible to love, support, and accept those people in your life, but you are not responsible for the consequences of the decisions they make, the emotions they feel, the attitudes they have, the beliefs they develop, and the actions they take in any or all of life’s conditions or circumstances.

One of the greatest frustrations in many people’s lives can be heard hidden in the following statements:

- Why won’t she...?

- Why did he...?

- Will she ever...?

- Why didn’t he...?

Most of life’s disappointments are the unrealized expectations we have of other people’s behavior.

I am not telling you what to believe, think, or feel. My only mission is to ask you to discover a simple principle that can dramatically change the quality of all of your relationships, and that is: You were not put here to change anyone but yourself. To the degree you can accept and apply this simple lesson in your life, you will discover that more and more people will want to be around you and with you.

Of course the opposite is also true: that if you think your mission is to change me, and I am not ready to change, most likely I will spend a great deal of time avoiding you.

In the end, each of us wants to spend as much time as possible in the presence of people who help us or cause us to like ourselves better when we are around them. None of us likes being around people who make us feel stressed, insecure, unworthy, unloved, stupid, or bad in any way. Unfortunately these people are everywhere—in the classroom, bedroom, boardroom, shop floor, dance floor, kitchen, neighborhood pub, or the local fine dining restaurant.

Regardless of where they are, I want to avoid them like the plague. The problem is that this is tough if you are married to someone whose mission seems to be to tell you over and over again in subtle or direct ways that you are not O.K. unless you do, think, believe, act, or feel the way he thinks you should.

This book is for both the people who feel like the other people—or at least someone—in their life needs to change or needs fixing and the people who these people are trying to fix or change.

To reach Tim: call 704-895-1230, email him at tim@timconnor.com or visit his website at www.timconnor.com