Mark's Highway  

How to Be Welcome Anywhere!            11.23.08   

   

By Mark Matteson

It was a bittersweet departure at 02:30. I was sad to leave the Ramada Plaza Hotel in the New District of Istanbul, but it had been a long week and I was looking forward to returning home. It seemed like I had been gone a month. My stay had been nine pounds of coffee in a five-pound can, with 18-hour days of consulting, a keynote speech, and book signings.

Traveling internationally is a true joy for me today. I am naturally curious and I genuinely want to know about people: who they are, where they come from, what they do, and how they do it. I guess that comes in handy as a writer. Old or young, everyone teaches me. Some are warnings and some are examples. On this trip, I met so many nice examples of kind, generous, fun loving, excited, grateful, and—just like me—curious people.

This morning I flew from Istanbul to Frankfurt. I meet some pretty extraordinary people when flying business class internationally. When this happens, I like to ask a lot of questions and then dominate the listening. Listening affords me a number of distinct advantages: I get to eat while they talk; I get to rest my voice while they talk; and I get to learn a great deal (I never learn anything while I am talking). 

We all need some strategies for success with people. Here are some of my favorite conversation starter questions, ten “ice breaker” questions:

1.     How did you get started in your business? OR

2.     What got you started?

3.     Describe a typical day (or week) for you?

4.     What separates you from your competition?

5.     What keeps you up at night?

6.     What trends do you see on the horizon?

7.     What advice would you offer someone just starting in your business?

8.     What one thing would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

9.     What has your business or industry taught you?

10. Looking at the long term, the cycles or tides, what is your organization doing to survive this temporary tide-out condition?

It was Susan Hall, my high school German teacher and my first mentor, who said something that I have never forgotten: Everyone has a story; what if you let them tell it to you...you have made more than a friend. Sitting in the Frankfurt Airport as I type this, I reflected on this trip. I have had dozens of delightful conversations. Flying Lufthansa, three flight attendants gave me some great travel advice for my trip to Frankfurt next September. I gave them signed copies of Freedom from Fear FOREVER. I asked two of the questions above and listened. I made more than a few new friends, I was able to work on my German, eat some great food, and did I learn some things today...

Topkapi Palace overlooks the Sea of Marmara and the Bosphorus Strait. It was built in 1470 by the Ottoman sultan Mehmet the Conqueror and served as the sole administrative palace for 400 years. The group of elementary school children I met taught me enthusiasm and greeting strangers with open arms and laughter. The 80-year-old man selling hats in the village square taught me the simplicity of handing a prospect the product and smiling. He closed the sale without a word of English; just kindness, patience, and a mirror.  These wonderfully friendly Turkish people don’t know or care that there is a recession. They love life and people. I have a lot to learn.

In my keynote presentation in Istanbul, I quoted Mevlana Rumi, a poet and philosopher who lived from 1207 to 1273. He lived much of his life in Konya, Turkey and is buried there. The book referenced above has sold over 250,000 copies worldwide. Here is a snapshot of Rumi’s philosophy in his own words:

1.     In GENEROSITY…be like the River…flowing and abundant.

2.     In COMPASSION and GRACE…be like the Sun, magnanimous and warm.

3.     In CONCEALING OTHERS FAULTS… be like the Night, hidden, dark and silent.

4.     In ANGER…be like the Dead, quiet.

5.     In HUMILITY…be like the Earth.

6.     In TOLERANCE…be like the Sea, vast and never-ending.

7.     Either exist as you are…or be as you look.

Now more than ever, timeless principles of personal development bring us back to center. I call it drilling the fundamentals. 

Here are four fundamentals to consider:

1.     Give up blame.  Take 100 percent responsibility for your present and future circumstances. Wayne Dyer wrote, “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless how much you blame him or her, it will not change you.” In short, you thought the thoughts, you created the feelings, you made the choices, you said the words, and that’s why you are where you are now.

2.     Give up complaining. Football coach Lou Holtz once said, "The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it." Make the decision to stop complaining, to stop spending precious time with complainers, and get on with the business of realizing your goals. Take action. Do something different.

3.     Pay attention to the road signs. Hunches, whispers, taps on the shoulder, the feeling in your stomach, the inkling you had, the fleeting thought, the intuition; they are all road signs pointing the way to your goals. Pay attention. Stop pretending you don’t feel them. Write them down.

4.  Manage your input. Ask yourself honestly,

a)     What am I saying to myself?

b)    What am I doing? How am I investing my time each day?

c)     What am I reading on a daily basis?

d)    What am I thinking?

e)     What am I watching?

f)      Who am I listening to?

g)     Who is influencing me?

Start paying attention to what is affecting and impacting your life. Look around. Do your current systems work? Are you getting what you want?   Don’t kid yourself; be ruthlessly honest with yourself and take inventory. Change. Take some risks. Try something new and different. Now is the time! Maybe it’s time to buy a new hat in the square from a wise old man. It looks good on you. Take this mirror...see?

Today is Thanksgiving. What are you GRATEFUL for today? Make a list. I just finished writing down 25 things that I am grateful for in my journal. I always feel differently when I am done. It shifts my focus to what is right in my life. Gratitude attracts abundance; cynicism attracts lack. What are you attracting? What is right in your life? Gimme five, man!

1. ___________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________________

When the Gulf War broke out in 1991, the country was in a recession and people had stopped coming to a Lexus dealership in Southern California. With no one coming into the dealership, it would soon go out of business. The newspaper and radio ads were not working, so one man took charge and began to innovate, trying a number of NEW techniques. The one that worked was driving a fleet of cars out to where the prospects were: to country clubs, marinas, polo grounds, and to parties in Beverly Hills and Westlake Village. He invited them to take a spin in a new Lexus. Have you ever driven a brand-new car and then got back into your old car? Remember the feeling of dissatisfaction as you compared the old car to the new one you had just driven? Your old car was fine up until then! But suddenly you knew there was something better and you wanted it. The same thing happened to these folks in 1991. After test-driving the new Lexus, a large percentage of them bought or leased one. The dealership actually sold more cars than they had BEFORE the war broke out! 

What are you doing differently? How can you innovate and create? Where are your prospects and how can you reach them with value and opportunity? 

Do you have a story of innovation and success? What are you doing in your business to generate business and add value to your prospects and clients? Send me YOUR stories of creativity and inspiration...I will include the best ones in the next e-newsletter!

Matt Michel, president and CEO of The Service Roundtable, also attended the conference in Istanbul. I’ll leave you this month with his impressions of our memorable visit, which he graciously agreed to share here.

Mark: What was the highlight of your recent trip to Istanbul?

Matt: Wow. One? It could be the food. Who thinks of cuisine when thinking of Turkey?  But it’s fabulous.  And everyone who has visited Istanbul will echo that. I’m already creating a Mediterranean salsa based on one we encountered in a dive restaurant near the hotel.

It could be the sights. I’ve lived in Europe and visited many times. There’s nothing quite like the Hagia Sophia (church/mosque/museum), the old bazaar, or the Bosphorus (the straights connecting the Black Sea to the Mediterranean, separating European Istanbul from Asian Istanbul).

It could be the people. Turks are incredibly warm and gracious. When Mark was ill, our hostess, stopped, called her husband, relayed the symptoms, and purchased the medication her husband called into a nearby pharmacy.  That’s run of the mill. When I ran low on toothpaste, the maid at the hotel noticed and left a new tube of toothpaste, unrequested. Have you ever experienced similar courtesy in the U.S.?

It could be watching Matteson engage everyone he could. At the Topkapi Palace, the Turks claim to have the sword of David (i.e., the David and Goliath, David and Bathsheba, David). The Turks claim to have the staff of Moses. Whether you believe it or not, it’s still fascinating.  I was mesmerized. But not Mark. “Stuff” doesn’t matter to Mark Matteson.  People matter.  

He was constantly engaging school kids, bartering with some old Turkish cap knitter, offering to take pictures of couples, and starting discussions.  Watching Matteson in a foreign land is a seminar in itself.

It could be the incredible experience of speaking before a huge audience with every word translated. It could be seeing my picture and an interview show up in Turkish, in a construction magazine or in the Turkish version of the Wall Street Journal. How cool is that? My wife asked if I knew what it said. I told her they were proclaiming me to be America’s greatest marketing mind. She didn’t buy it, but my kids did! My kids are still a little gullible.

I think the highlight for me came from an accidental encounter. Mark and I were mailing books to the conference sponsor. We discovered that the Turkish postal workers are little different than their U.S. counterparts in speed and efficiency. After we mailed the books, we walked around. This was a random Istanbul street. Near the post office was the American brand, a McDonald’s. A little away was a collection of flower vendors. The colors stood out against the stark, monochrome November day.

Beyond the flower vendors, armed Turkish police stood guard. Armed in Istanbul meant automatic weapons. Strangely, they were both intimidating and reassuring. Past the guards, I saw a cross. In secular, but nevertheless predominately Muslim, Istanbul, this begged investigation.

We walked down a side street. Vendors were cutting strips of beef and lamb from roasted, vertical skewers containing full sides. It smelled great. You could pick up a “kabob” from a street window or walk indoors. Each was tempting, but I was still full from the incredible breakfast at the hotel. Plus, I was on a mission.

Finally, we rounded the high, gated walls and discovered the entrance to the church, up a cobblestone walk that dated to the days of Byzantium. We were joined by a couple of tourists and all disappointed when the entrance to the church was locked. Based on the program in the narthex, it was apparent that this was an operating Greek Orthodox church. Disappointed that the church was closed, we left.

On the way down the cobblestone walk, we were flagged down. A caretaker (he wasn’t a priest) opened the church. The art, the carvings, the gold leaf, and the general beauty of the small church left me speechless. I thought to myself that millions pass through Istanbul and see the Blue Mosque, the Dolmabahçe Palace, the spice market, and more. But who sees this small church that’s survived millennia? And who might have worshipped in this very building? 

Mark: Can you tell the “Turkish coffee” story?

Matt: When I told my daughter I was going to Turkey. With all of the certainty of a teen, she informed me that Turkey has the “best coffee in the world” and instructed me to bring back some Turkish coffee.

When I arrived in Istanbul, after traveling 20 hours and jet lagged, I was greeted by our conference host. We had an hour or so to kill before Mark’s flight arrived. Our host asked, “Would you like a coffee?”

With visions of Turkish coffee in my head, I mentally “high-fived” her and said, “Yes!”

We went to Starbucks, which was serving Christmas blend.