CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. 
These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in
a church service:

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. 
Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time. 

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water".
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.

Don't let worry kill you off-let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to
join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. 
Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s)you want
remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious
hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M..-prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. 
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. 
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would send him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. 
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High...