Matteson Avenue Humor

Kids Bible Humor

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize
one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23 She gave
the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited
about the task; But, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much
practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids
were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby
was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone
and said proudly, "The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"

THE GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She
described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the
drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah
the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah
built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon
the altar and then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four
barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four
times.

Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord
would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand,
"I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife
looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted,

"My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he
announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think
Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark

No, replied Johnny. How could he, with just two worms."

POOR LION

A Sunday school teacher was telling the youngsters about
Daniel and the Lions Den. She had a picture of Daniel standing,
brave and confident, with a group of lions around him.

One little girl started to cry.

The teacher said, "Don't cry. The lions are not going to eat Daniel."

The girl said, "That's not! what I'm crying about.

That little lion, over in the corner, isn't going to get any food."

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been
learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

SUNDAY SCHOOL

Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned
in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy
lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When
he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge
and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie
to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow
up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it.